10 ways to have a better conversation

(Inspired by TEDx talk by Celeste Headlee)

Nowadays is very hard to have a conversation, talking about life and its rules without someone fighting both passionately for it and against it. And this is not normal. There is a big polarisation among people. We are less likely to compromise, which means we are not listening to each other. We make big life decision based on what we already believe. A conversation requires a balance between talking and listening. A potential reason for that can be technology, because we are slowly becoming more comfortable with communicating through cell phone than talk to person face to face. It seems like it’s one of the subject that we don’t focus on teaching.

And that’s why I will give you some tips how to have a better conversation where you walk away feeling engaged and inspired or you feel like you have made a real connection or you have been perfectly understood.

Nr.1: Don’t multitask which literally means to be present without playing on your phone or with your keys. It also requires your mind to be present and not think about your past or a future plans. If you don’t feel like being in the conversation, just get out.

Nr.2: Don’t pontificate (lecture). If you wanna state your opinion without and opportunity for response or argument or pushback or growth - talk to a wall! You need to enter every conversation assuming that you have something to learn. It is long known that a true listening requires a setting aside of oneself, which can sometimes mean to set aside your personal opinion.

“Everyone you will ever meet know something that you don’t”

Nr.3: Use open - ended question. You should start your question with who, what, when, where, why or how. This way you will avoid yes / no answers. You are going to get much more interesting response.

Nr.4: Go with the flow. If the thought will occur during the conversation, let it go. If you don’t let it go, it might be dangerous. Why? Because you might ask the questions that you have already asked before.

Nr.5: If you don’t know, say that you don’t know. Let’s be honest in what we know and what we don’t know. We are not experts in everything.

Nr.6: Don’t equate your experience with theirs. Never compare life experience, loss of family member etc. It is never the same, all experiences are individual.

Nr.7: Try not to repeat yourself. If you have a point to make, try not to keep rephrasing it over and over.

Nr.8: Stay out of the details. People don’t care about the years and names and too much information.

Nr.9: Listen. It is the most important skill that you can develop. It takes effort and energy to listen but if can’t do that you are not in a conversation.

“Most of us don’t listen with the intent to understand. We listen with the intent to reply.”

Nr.10: Be brief. A good conversation is like miniskirt, short enough to retain interest, but long enough to cover the subject :)

Good luck,

Moni